Bayern Munich Are Beating The Motherfucking Brakes Off AS Roma [Update]

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the best Champions League game of the day, where we found out whether AS Roma, Italy's second-best team, could match or even best visiting German champions FC Bayern. After 38 minutes and five Bayern goals, the answer is quite clearly "nah." » 10/21/14 4:05pm Yesterday 4:05pm

Soccer Player Dies After Goal Celebration Goes Horribly Wrong

In the 62nd minute, the goal finally came. Bethlehem Vengthlang FC were trailing Chanmari West FC, 1-0, last Tuesday in India's Mizoram Premier League, but midway through the second half, a free kick bounced inexplicably through the box, past Chanmari West's keeper, off the post, and back to an awaiting BVFC player:… » 10/20/14 11:03am Monday 11:03am

Ebola May Force The Africa Cup Of Nations Host To Be Decided By Lottery

The Africa Cup of Nations, the biannual tournament to crown the continent's top soccer country, is scheduled to kick off in three months. As of now, it'll be held in Morocco, but with West Africa currently suffering the worst Ebola outbreak ever, the idea of hundreds of thousands of people descending on the host… » 10/17/14 2:30pm Friday 2:30pm

Justin Bieber's Latest Boxing Highlight Is A Sad Sham

Justin Bieber is bad at a lot of things, like singing and dancing and writing lyrics and dressing and soliciting prostitutes and driving and basketball and other things, too. For some, reason, though, boxer Floyd Mayweather, a very bad, 37-year-old man, has decided to befriend this child, and even teach him how to box. » 10/17/14 11:24am Friday 11:24am

God Can't Save You From Ebola, But This Song Might

Not too long ago, I spent six months living in Dallas. I found it to be a horrid place full of old-school, overt racists and liberal champions who threaten to fuck young journalists in the ass. That said, I have a contingent of homies there that I love with all my heart. I enjoy waking up, popping open my laptop,… » 10/15/14 5:56pm 10/15/14 5:56pm

Jason Whitlock Has Written His Magnum Derpus

ESPN columnist Jason Whitlock wrote a column last night wherein he tackled Monday's Michael Brown protests outside of Busch Stadium. Protesters demanding justice for Brown's shooting death at the hands of Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson were met by a crowd of Cardinals fans exulting in the death of a black male. » 10/10/14 2:12pm 10/10/14 2:12pm

The Cavaliers And Heat Can't Make That Three-Point Goggle Sign In Brazil

You know that cool thing LeBron sometimes does after he hits a three-pointer when he connects his thumb and index finger so it's like a little circle, then holds it over his eye with the other three fingers up so it resembles a monocle to show, Hey, I made that three? When he and the Cavaliers play the Miami Heat in a… » 10/09/14 1:25pm 10/09/14 1:25pm

​Jozy Altidore Wants To Go Not Score Goals Somewhere Else

Poor Jozy. The 24-year-old American striker looked to be the Truth as recently as July 2013, when he transferred to English side Sunderland and effectively cemented a starting place on the USMNT after scoring 23 goals in just 21 league games for Dutch side AZ Alkmaar the season prior. But now, he is some shit. » 10/08/14 6:12pm 10/08/14 6:12pm