TV Anchor Warns New Yorkers To Not Eat Maybe Ebola-Infected Poop

Bad news, y'all: Ebola is in New York. You may think you're screwed. You may think this is the only logical conclusion to Obama's America. You may even be right. Luckily, NY1's Errol Louis knows how to fight this plague: If you're prone to putting random feces in your mouth, don't do that for a while. Wait for all… » 10/23/14 11:20pm Yesterday 11:20pm

This Ridiculous Érik Lamela Goal Will Make You Feel Things

OK. Forget the stakes for a second. Forget that these are two bored teams playing in a second-tier tournament. Forget that Érik Lamela has gone his whole career without developing anything resembling a right foot, and still probably makes more money in a week than you do in a year. Is this the sexiest Rabona goal… » 10/23/14 4:14pm Yesterday 4:14pm

Bayern Munich Are Beating The Motherfucking Brakes Off AS Roma [Update]

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the best Champions League game of the day, where we found out whether AS Roma, Italy's second-best team, could match or even best visiting German champions FC Bayern. After 38 minutes and five Bayern goals, the answer is quite clearly "nah." » 10/21/14 4:05pm Tuesday 4:05pm

Soccer Player Dies After Goal Celebration Goes Horribly Wrong

In the 62nd minute, the goal finally came. Bethlehem Vengthlang FC were trailing Chanmari West FC, 1-0, last Tuesday in India's Mizoram Premier League, but midway through the second half, a free kick bounced inexplicably through the box, past Chanmari West's keeper, off the post, and back to an awaiting BVFC player:… » 10/20/14 11:03am Monday 11:03am

Ebola May Force The Africa Cup Of Nations Host To Be Decided By Lottery

The Africa Cup of Nations, the biannual tournament to crown the continent's top soccer country, is scheduled to kick off in three months. As of now, it'll be held in Morocco, but with West Africa currently suffering the worst Ebola outbreak ever, the idea of hundreds of thousands of people descending on the host… » 10/17/14 2:30pm 10/17/14 2:30pm

Justin Bieber's Latest Boxing Highlight Is A Sad Sham

Justin Bieber is bad at a lot of things, like singing and dancing and writing lyrics and dressing and soliciting prostitutes and driving and basketball and other things, too. For some, reason, though, boxer Floyd Mayweather, a very bad, 37-year-old man, has decided to befriend this child, and even teach him how to box. » 10/17/14 11:24am 10/17/14 11:24am

God Can't Save You From Ebola, But This Song Might

Not too long ago, I spent six months living in Dallas. I found it to be a horrid place full of old-school, overt racists and liberal champions who threaten to fuck young journalists in the ass. That said, I have a contingent of homies there that I love with all my heart. I enjoy waking up, popping open my laptop,… » 10/15/14 5:56pm 10/15/14 5:56pm

Jason Whitlock Has Written His Magnum Derpus

ESPN columnist Jason Whitlock wrote a column last night wherein he tackled Monday's Michael Brown protests outside of Busch Stadium. Protesters demanding justice for Brown's shooting death at the hands of Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson were met by a crowd of Cardinals fans exulting in the death of a black male. » 10/10/14 2:12pm 10/10/14 2:12pm